Are you familiar with the story of Robert Wadlow?

Here’s why we share this story, and the science behind it. Feedback loops are not only at the core of human biology, they are also at the center of human behavior and organizational health. When done well, feedback paves the way to outstanding team performance, but when unhealthy feedback practices rule the day, we should expect instability within our team.

When he was born, Robert looked like nearly every other baby, but that changed quickly. Within 6 months, Robert doubled in height and quadrupled in weight. He was 3 feet tall as a one-year-old. By the age of five, Robert was over 5 feet tall. On his first day of kindergarten, he wore clothes made for a 17-year-old. Robert suffered from an overproduction of human growth hormone caused by hyperplasia of his pituitary gland.

Simply stated, most humans have an internal feedback loop that controls the production of growth hormone, but Robert’s feedback loop was broken. Instead of regulating and stabilizing the production of growth hormone, Robert’s pituitary gland reinforced the substance’s production. Like a car going downhill without brakes, Robert’s growth kept picking up speed.

By the age of 12, he was over 7 feet tall and weighed nearly 300 pounds. When his uncontrolled growth propelled him over 8 feet at the age of 18, he went on a tour around the United States with Ringling Brothers Circus. Sadly, but not surprisingly, the rest of his body could not keep pace. Robert outgrew his nervous system and started to lose feeling in his legs and feet. His immune system began to shut down. Robert passed away at the age of 22. At the time of his death, he was the tallest human in recorded history at 8 feet and 11.1 inches, and by all indications, he was still growing!

Our bodies are governed by a wide range of feedback loops. These systems maintain a careful balance of everything from the amount of water in our cells to the number of hormones released into our bloodstream. These feedback loops are always running in the background, and they influence us in profound ways. When each process works as intended, our bodies and minds function properly. When something in the system breaks, we steadily slip out of balance. In extreme cases, things spiral out of control—like the growth of Robert Wadlow.

A lot has been written about the importance of giving feedback, unfortunately not much has been offered about receiving it. Receiving feedback, no matter where or how it is delivered, can be an emotional process—triggering embarrassment, fear, anger, defensiveness, and denial. It can also be hard to draw out the truth from the people around us, especially from a leadership seat—people may be too “kind” to share the full picture or be too intimidated.

As difficult as it can be to hear and receive, feedback is a gift. This is true in all realms of our life—knowing how our companion or spouse feels can spell the difference between a connected and dysfunctional relationship.
Feedback is particularly important at work because our colleagues are often less likely to push past our defensiveness and more willing to write us off if they have a hard time working with us. So how do we get feedback that is critical for us to hear? Here are 5 personal practices that will increase our chances of hearing feedback.

1. Be clear that you want candid feedback. It’s important to let people know they’re doing you a favor by being truthful on the front end. “Don’t be nice,” you can say to them. “Be helpful.” Emphasize that you want to get the most out of the conversation, and it won’t work if they hold back.
2. Listen without judgment. This second practice is CRUCIAL to not shutting down feedback. Don’t judge what you hear, whether it’s positive or negative. Thank people for being candid and let them know that you find their opinions and observations helpful. If you get defensive about something that’s brought up, they’ll stop being helpful and shift to being polite. If they believe that you really want the truth and won’t react negatively to feedback, they’ll be more willing to share.
3. Concentrate on the future. Asking what we can do better going forward (instead of what you did wrong in the past) tends to get more honest and helpful responses. There is something about shifting the focus away from what’s been done to a future opportunity that relieves some of the conversation’s pressure.
4. Probe more deeply. Don’t just ask once! Give people multiple chances to give you real feedback, to improve their chances of feeling comfortable doing so. It may be helpful to ask about specific situations. For example, what could you do better in future team meetings? And remember point 2 – LISTEN without judgment.
5. Write down what they say. This tactic achieves 2 things. The silence communicates that you’re taking feedback seriously and writing down their feedback ensures it. This also gives those offering feedback time to think about what else they might want to share. It won’t be uncommon for people to share a second and often more critical piece of information when they believe you are sincerely interested in the feedback.

Getting feedback can be the fastest route to growth and refined performance. Remember, it’s not always an accurate reflection of who we are, but it is always an accurate picture of how we’re perceived and knowing how we’re perceived is critically important if we want to increase our influence as a leader.

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Take the Next Step: Start with a trusted colleague and ask a specific question about how you can improve in one facet of your leadership, practicing these 5 tips during your conversation.